All Mixed Up

Often I feel as though I'm completely lost. Lost in a sea of doctors, paperwork, medicine and tests. I spend my days (and a lot of nights) in a complete fog, trying cook, clean, organize, and even bathe. It's the headache pain, however, that causes the fog, that creates the chaos, that gets me...all mixed up. Do I try to drive to the doctor when I can barely see or cancel and pay the fee? Is it worth my time and energy to try to get the $15 from the doctor's office the insurance company says I'm owed? Should I continue to pay for test after test after test when, at the end of the day, I still have a headache?

I'm lucky to have a strong support group of friends and family. They do as much as they can to help me exist in this mess. Giving me rides to appointments, filling out my disability paperwork, bringing me food when I can't leave the house are just some of the ways I'm helped by those who love me. Sometimes, though, there are things they just don't (and can't) understand. There are times when they are just not available to tend to me. And there are situations that I don't want to burden them with. I fully realize that these wonderful people have lives, too. Lives that shouldn't have to revolve around me. That's were Nick, SA, Tim, Chad and P-Nut come in.

Also known as 311, these five guys are always there when I need them. If I'm feeling down, I know exactly which songs will make me smile. When I'm on a mission to tackle my to-do list, I have the perfect motivational playlist of 311 tunes. To keep me inspired, there are song lyrics posted in all the right places (including a permanent post on my foot). For evenings that are dedicated as "me" time, I have concert DVDs to watch over and over and over again. I love this band and everything they represent: hope, love, unity and happiness. Just thinking of them makes me smile. Best of all, I have unlimited access to them through their music which is always at my fingertips.

I know that life can get tough for everyone. I also know that each one of us has to find our own way to get through those tough times. We all need an outlet, an escape, from whatever may be troubling us. Some people use prayer, others use drugs and alcohol. I use music, specifically 311. It may sound silly, but they really do help me stay positive and love my life.