Just What the Doctor Ordered

Actually, what the doctor ordered is sleep. And I'm not getting any! I know there are plenty of you mom's out there not getting any either, but at least you have a cute bundle of joy to cuddle. My cat won't even get up and hang out with me!

I participated in a sleep study about a month ago which gave, I thought, promising results. It showed that even though I'm asleep (that's back when I could sleep, obviously), my brain isn't. I'm not getting any deep sleep (stage 3 and 4) which are the stages when the brain rejuvenates itself, when all the fuel (hormones, neurotransmitters like serotonin and noradrenaline, and a lot of other really important stuff) is produced. This lack of deep sleep partially explains why I'm so tired ALL the time, why I am in so much pain, and why I have so much mental fog.

The short of it is that all day and all night, my brain runs on high. Literally. Almost all my brain activity is beta and high beta frequencies. That means my brain is constantly trying to process...everything. What has happened as a result of this constant processing is my brain has functionally lost the ability to relax. Because it never runs on the low wave frequencies, alpha and delta, it's always working.

This constant "work" by my brain is a result of over-stimulation which, in this case, equals pain. My brain has been so overwhelmed with pain signals (which turn those high waves on) that that's all it knows. If all the pain was gone tomorrow, my brain would not know what do to or how to function. It would not believe that the pain was not there. Weird, I know.

So, in order to help get better, more productive (or less productive, depending on how you look at it) sleep, I went to a sleep specialist. His first approach was medicine with the idea being that if we can get some serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain, it will figure out how to make more while I'm asleep. Kinda of like seeding the reaction, for you chemistry buffs out there. But now I can't even fall asleep! I've got all this medicine that's supposed to cause drowsiness, ease pain and slow me down. It doesn't even phase me. I've tried other things, too, like a glass of red wine before bed or a bowl of cereal (Honey Nut Cheerios used to put me right to sleep!), a hot shower and still, no sleep.

Now I'm tired mentally and physically and wound up like a very tight spring about to snap. My muscles are so tight they spasm. Sometimes uncontrollably. It's only been two weeks since I saw the sleep doctor so I'm not giving up yet. But can't a girl get a break?!? I could really use one. And some sleep.